Are People Doing the Best They Can?

More than ten years ago I was married to someone else. When that marriage ended, I had a lot of resentment that I held on to for a few years. When I did the inner work to set myself free, I was able to come to a place of absolute compassion for my ex.

I trust that he was doing the best according to where he was at, and so was I. I attracted that relationship and all of the lessons that came with it. I could choose to hold on to a story where I was “right” and place him as the “perpetrator” of my suffering and myself as an innocent victim, or I could be free.

The amazing Brene Brown, in her book “Rising Strong” says that, “My life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgement and lets me focus on what is, not on what could be or should be.”

This is what author Byron Katie calls. “Loving what is.”

In my work with clients, I’ve found that such a great deal of suffering that often lasts many years, comes from fighting against the way that others have behaved, with the belief that they should have done things differently.

We can keep clinging to this, or we can be free.

The point is not for you to judge whether people are doing the best they can. That would defeat the purpose of this approach. It’s to assume that they are. Your life, your relationships and your peace of mind will all be better if you just do this.

If you find it too hard to take this approach with others, go inward first.

If you give yourself compassion and forgiveness, that despite your mistakes, you’re doing the best you can according to where you’re at, then you’re able to extend this to others.

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10 Comments

  1. I believe we’re all doing the best we can with what life throws at us on this journey.
    Thinking this way when you’re upset by someone’s behaviour can be difficult – nevertheless it the most peaceful way.

    Thanks Kelly. ?

    Reply
  2. Thank you Kelly,
    This so makes so much sense
    Lin x

    Reply
  3. That is so powerful….

    Reply
  4. Beautifully said Kelly and as always from the heart!

    Reply
  5. I try not to judge ,could I do better with his/her life.People don’t choose a difficult life,I have thought plenty of times how did that happen? How did I get here? we have to look after each other not take advantage of the less fortunate.walk a mile in their shoes!

    Reply
  6. Thanks Kelly,
    Love your videos. They hit home in such a caring way.

    Gwen

    Reply
  7. Absolutely love this, I have learnt in the last year to let go of things that are holding me back from being happy. I am very proud, happy and at peace with how far I have come in this last year. Enjoying every minute of life. Happy days ???

    Reply
  8. Absolutely love this, I have learnt in the last year to let go of things that are holding me back from being happy. I am very proud, happy and at peace with how far I have come in this last year. Enjoying every minute of life. Happy days ???

    Reply
  9. Thanks Kelly
    Not that I critically look at anyones situation, but this has a major impact on myself and something that Ive been trying to deal with recently.
    Such a powerful and positive message. As Rosie said, also very difficult when you have been verbally attacked from someone else.
    Thank you Kelly 🙂

    Reply
  10. Thank you Kelly ❤❤❤XXXOOO

    Reply

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