More than ten years ago I was married to someone else. When that marriage ended, I had a lot of resentment that I held on to for a few years. When I did the inner work to set myself free, I was able to come to a place of absolute compassion for my ex.
I trust that he was doing the best according to where he was at, and so was I. I attracted that relationship and all of the lessons that came with it. I could choose to hold on to a story where I was “right” and place him as the “perpetrator” of my suffering and myself as an innocent victim, or I could be free.
The amazing Brene Brown, in her book “Rising Strong” says that, “My life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgement and lets me focus on what is, not on what could be or should be.”
This is what author Byron Katie calls. “Loving what is.”
In my work with clients, I’ve found that such a great deal of suffering that often lasts many years, comes from fighting against the way that others have behaved, with the belief that they should have done things differently.
We can keep clinging to this, or we can be free.
The point is not for you to judge whether people are doing the best they can. That would defeat the purpose of this approach. It’s to assume that they are. Your life, your relationships and your peace of mind will all be better if you just do this.
If you find it too hard to take this approach with others, go inward first.
If you give yourself compassion and forgiveness, that despite your mistakes, you’re doing the best you can according to where you’re at, then you’re able to extend this to others.
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